I was planning to write something else instead of this topic, but ended up thinking this over and over again. Wanderlust. Lately I've found myself scrolling through cheap flights. I've read too many posts about travelling. I've been wondering where I would like to go, which places in Europe interest me the most at the moment. I've been thinking with whom should I travel.

I've been thinking maybe I should just go to London and see Nightwish in Wembley. Or maybe I should ask my boyfriend should we visit his relatives in Germany. Or maybe we should go to Norway again with my best friend, to see her grandma. Should I buy flights to England and visit my cousin shortly? How about couch surfing and a totally new country? How about travelling with my sister? Or my mother and my godmother - they used to travel together when they were young. What if I just decided to go somewhere all by myself?

These thoughts have been my everyday life for a couple of years now, but lately they've been pretty much all I can think. Everything that I do or think is somehow related to my longing to fly, far far away. I would like to go now. Live and let live.

Okay, I know. I have IB, the last year. I have to go through this first, then I'll be free. I've been making research on universities abroad. It's something that I have to do sooner or later. First applications can be sent in just three, maximum four, months. I won't be in Finland in a year, most probably I am not going to apply here.

And what if I won't get in? I've been making a plan B, becoming an au pair. But it's not reality yet, it might be something that I do if I happen not to be studying in uni next autumn. Those two things are something, that I actually could do. But it's not satisfying enough, because I would like to be going now. It would be so easy to make those few clicks and buy flights for me. I would have money, I could do it. But then again I have to save some for the New year in Stockholm and it would make no sense to leave school even for a few days.

It's almost annoying. There's so much that I'd like to do, so many places I'd like to see. And still I'm here, sitting on my laptop in my old hometown. My life isn't that bad, I have great friends and I already live almost the way I want to live. I've made so many friends, I have so many connections all over the world and I enjoy studying even if it's killing me. And still there is that something, the feeling that doesn't leave me. I know that once I'm done with the IB I am so totally done with my life here and I'll leave far far away. 

Are you familiar with this feeling?